So Tired…

In Uncategorized on July 15, 2009 at 9:27 pm


There’s a Kay Starr song I like (one of those obscure tunes I have a predilection for)… it’s called “So Tired”.

Well, I am “so tired”. So tired of shuttling back and forth to the hospital. So tired of being ferried to xrays and CTs and Pulmonary function tests. So tired of the un-ending noise-traffic that is hospital living; the squack box in the wall by my pillow, the endless machinery beeping, the call bells ringing, the constant dance of people through my door with inedible food, scales, needles, pills, etc. I long for just a couple of doctors, but there is always a different one at my door: I know they all speak as a team, but I miss the continuity of care from St Mikes.

I enjoyed a few night passes home. These prove –I think– too tiring for their worth, although a few nights in a flat bed was good for my back. In any event, You don’t get home till 1am, and then have to wake at 7am and jet back to the hospital for another dose. I’m worn out. I’m tired. I knew this would be tough though.. and am so blessed to have a private room at present.

Poor Henry doesn’t know if I’m coming or going. Nor do I! Nor does husband, who’s desperately trying to find some comfort in our routine. He enjoyed a long weekend at his pal Billy’s cottage/island and a couple nights with his folks. But he admits this isn’t really “vacation” it’s just a place holder.

I feel badly about the disruption, but mostly I feel badly we don’t have good health. The CMV (down to zero this week!!!) seems piddling next to the bouquet of things in my bronch which are now finally causing this drop in lung function. We’ve started anti-biotics for those, but are doing (yet another) bronch this week to (hopefully) assess for & rule out rejection. This week in the pulmonary function lab I felt very bummed in seeing the drop. And I felt petrification, even though the friendly girl said, “these things can bounce back: you did in February!” So, despite that, and the chronic fatigue, I try and stay positive! Oddly enough I can still ride fairly effectively and enjoyed a great rugged (albeit mostly walking) hack in the woods with friends and hubby, which included one fabulous gallop in an open stretch to blow the (rather impressive) deer flies off! this time I made sure my bracelets were carefully tucked away!

So, enjoy your health, and the weather and the smell of the evening summer air at sunset for me. Enjoy your flat beds and the quietude of your homes! Send your prayers our way for a recovery.

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